“He’s cute but he’s not attractive”
It was about 5 years ago, I had asked a female friend of mine to put in a good word with this girl I kinda liked. The above quote was her response, it threw me off. Maybe she found me cute and something about me turned her off, or maybe she wasn’t feeling me at all and was just being nice. How can one be cute but not attractive, eventually I got my answer, she was attracted to taller, leaner guys, I was simply the male equivalent of “cute for a big girl”. It wasn’t exactly something that was new to me, I never was someone who instantly attracted. I was moreso cute enough to not be instantly shot down and awkwardly charming enough to grow on her if given the chance. I kind of liked it that way, I knew ultimately she liked me, not just part or parts of me. Didn’t have to worry about being objectified because there was little to admire on the outside.
These days I have a few more drops in the physical attraction bucket and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it at all. However, I need a little more than some compliments and innuendos. Women objectify almost as bad as men, look what happened to D’Angelo. He made one video and had women tossing singles at him at concerts. But overall, men are all guilty of enjoying objectification in at least small doses, just as we are all guilty of objectifying potential mates. Women are the same way, some bask in the attention while others are disgusted by it. You all know of the plight of the woman in the v neck wondering why guys can’t make eye contact, as well as the ones who will post just about anything for a “like”. Men and women are both guilty of being thirsty for attention but men seem to get more passes for whatever reason.
Like women, male objectification starts with T&A, but theirs stands for tats and abs. There’s a reason home workouts like p90x (and photo edit software like Photoshop CS6) are flying off the shelves, apparently vampires and werewolves are allergic to clothes and dudes are walking around with a bunch of meaningless pictures all over their body. You’d be hard pressed to find a dude who can manage to keep a shirt on (well except chubby, blank skinned men like myself) but hey it’s what the ladies clamor for. I can’t see myself ever trying to be “sexy”, there’s something feminine about it. If a woman likes my lips its one thing, if you catch me on instagram duckfacing, please feel free to mock me. I’m a heterosexual man so I’m only guessing here but I figure women look at these men like men look at over objectified women, pleasing to look at, maybe even lay with but no one brings it home because theres a caveat. The overly sexual usually overcompensate for lack of brains (big booty from the other day), sexual orientation (insert i think he’s gay artist here) or deep rooted insecurity.
The argument for either male or female objectification is that it’s simply appreciation. You appreciate what you’ve been blessed with or worked to achieve so you show it off. Others aren’t ogling they are appreciating. I know I “appreciate” plenty of women I encounter daily, and I’m sure they appreciate their own body enough to wear what they wore today (and post the 5000 pics in the outfit). As someone who is constantly improving my body I can’t help but want someone to take notice, maybe not in a shirtless avi type of way but in a smaller polo that my arms look awesome in type of way. I have plenty of good qualities I feel I never have to overcompensate sexiness for them. There’s plenty of women who have great qualities they don’t have to overcompensate sexiness for, but until they learn I’m not saying I’m going to be enjoying the show but I’m not not saying it. Double standards for threeeee.