*Editors Note: Since November is National Blog Posting Month i will attempt to right 30 posts in 30 days…as you know most of my posts are lengthier and i let it marinate for a day or two to let all my readers check it out so be sure to check daily as i will be posting fast and furiously this month…NaBloPoMo? challenge accepted*
I was the kid that hated sharing toys, I’m the man that never tells anyone where I got a shirt or hat from. Some would call me selfish, I wouldn’t. I simply look at things with an extreme amount of logic; there’s plenty of alternatives, so why do you want mine? I’m on the other hand a very generous person, I give all the money and time I can spare, but with other things not so much. Some things I hate to share but at what point does logic become selfishness? Is it ever okay to be even a little selfish?
Not long after my parents divorced my brother went to live with my father and at 9 years old, i learned the joy of having my own spot. At 22 I took it a step further, my own apartment. No parents, no RAs, no roommates, it was my fortress of solitude. Until….i let my girlfriend move in, which im convinced killed us. She saw the selfish (logical) side of me; it was cute when she would wear my shirts before but now you have a closet full of clothes, why touch my stuff? I always gave her money before but now I’m putting a roof over her head and then some, where is your money going? I bought plenty of food, why do you have to eat my green grapes? She saw it as being selfish I saw it as being logical.
In regards to dating, we all want our cake and eat it too, I mean isnt that the point of having cake? While I’m not particularly ready for a relationship, I hate the idea of someone I care about being with someone else. It’s selfish thinking but there’s nothing I can do, charge it to the game I suppose. In this regard there’s no explainable logic; it’s no way to ask a woman to stay put while you figure out what you want to do. At best you can do you and hope she’s there when you’re ready (i’m 0/3 so far), or simply be upset at something you are doing to yourself. I’ll admit selfishness here.
As far as money goes, I’m trying to be more selfish. The logic as why not to is there but for some reason some people I can’t say no to. In reality, its more for me than them, I like helping people, I like being the alpha. I’ve given out my last $20 but they don’t know it was my last twenty. My father, the richest broke man I know, he’s mastered the selfish logic, he’ll never say he doesnt have or can’t but he will break it down as to why you don’t deserve it. Ask him for gas money with new J’s on, he’ll go all the way in. I learned to stop asking him for things a long time ago and I’m a better person for it, or not and he’s just cheap.
Way too much of my spare time is spent doing stuff I don’t want to do. Yet someone always complaining I’m not making enough time for them. I got to help a friend move later, I don’t want to. I hate moving, when I move I just might hire movers, its aggy. I’m also designing a flyer for another, chilling with another and looking over some documents for a relative. I’m probably not the first one that was asked, I wonder what everyone else’s excuse was. It’s hard to logically think of a reason not to, at best I’ll be home bored anyway but maybe that’s just what I rather be doing.
I’m selfish and admittedly so. Selfish is defined as “concerned with ones own interests”, it’s given a negative connotation but who isn’t out for their own interests. I got my own place to please me, bought green grapes to please me, i date to please me. However, I also help others to please me; to not do so would be called “selfish” but since it pleases me would doing so also be….selfish? People use logic to validate selfishness as if being selfish is such a bad thing. Some people just don’t see the whole picture so you have to break it down logically sometimes. “She” didn’t understand that I don’t share grapes, “Ms.” didn’t understand why I’ll never be 100% comfortable of her being with someone else, I never understood why my father just wouldn’t give me the money, Readers don’t understand why I don’t just say no to people. Selfish is the lesson, logic are the notes.