Daily Archives: October 1, 2012

Today’s Word is… FATHERHOOD

Sister:”So when are you and “she” going to give me a niece or nephew”

Me: *drinks water pretending not to hear the question*

Sister: “I’m tired of being mommy i want to be an auntie too”

Nephew: “He doesn’t need a kid mommy, he has me”

4 years old. The kid is clutch.  What a difference a few months make, I’m not making as much as I was, I’m not in a stable relationship anymore, yet there are two constants: my nephew still that dude, and diversions aside I do want a child.  I’ve always wanted one.  Slipped a few past the goalie, God had other plans but out of everything I have ever aspired to be, a father has always been on the top of my list.  Yet at the same time, the prospects of fatherhood frighten me.  What type of parent would I be, what type of child will I bring into the world, what do I have to teach them, what do I have to learn?

If I have a son, what will he ultimately think of me? I look at the relationship with my father, there were times I truly disliked him, others I greatly admired him, overall I love and respect him even matured enough to understand him. He did his job, he raised a man, yet we’re not the closest. His father and he weren’t close until recently, maybe he looks at me and sees what type of son he was. I only hope to break the cycle with my own.

If I have a girl, what can I teach her about men today? I’m still currently the type of guy I wouldn’t want her with. Will she learn accountability and holding herself to the high standards, or will she be on Worldstar (every parent’s fear should be their child on Worldstarhiphop.com) Will she marry a man better than her father or settle for one like him?

Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself, before I even get there, I want the ideal situation. I don’t want a baby mother, I want a wife so my children knows what a relationship is supposed to be. I don’t want a 3 bedroom apartment, I want a house to pass on. I don’t want to work 2 jobs to keep things afloat, I want a career I love and allows me to spend time and raise my children.

I’m only 24 so I have plenty of time to set myself up for the life I desire. But whenever I am feeling parental, wondering what if she kept it, I remember I’m still building my foundation. And I still got my nephew. He’s my little wingman.

-Stan-

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