When I first came up with a concept for this blog, there were some particular words I had in mind. “Love” was the big one. Is there any word more loosely defined than love? To some love is simply a deep, intense, euphoric feeling for someone; others believe the extreme biblical definition. I think we all pick and choose our own interpretations and conveniently apply it to situations. In fact, love is almost too big to cover in one post. I’ll break it down and cover different misinterpretations of love,alas the first, SPURNED. *cue Frank Ocean –Bad Religion* (ll)
I remember the first time I told a girl I loved her, it was only about 7 years ago. To be honest I don’t think I did, I just felt like it was a natural progression in a relationship when you tell one so. We were sitting on her porch and I was going on about all the colleges I got accepted to, how we would make a long distance relationship work, maybe she can move out there and find a community college nearby. (not as condescending as it sounds, she wasn’t the most dedicated student, we attended different high schools yet I did her work and my work #atthesamedamntime). She grew silent and I felt like it was the perfect time to reassure her. I told her, she sat up straight, kissed me and told me she loved me too. I looked in her big brown eyes and knew she just lied to me. Perhaps I had just lied to her prior, but we just went with it. I cared about her; she was the first girl to really show me any type of love, at the time I didn’t think I was doing much better probably why I went above and beyond trying to keep her around. I tried to use “love” as an excuse but deep down I knew better. I never loved her, probably because all gifts, homework, and gestures aside, she didn’t feel the same about me.
This wasn’t common, over the years I found myself giving my all into girls who didn’t feel the same. Especially one, let’s call her senora (even though she was black as me). Senora was almost like a female version of me, except much more attractive. She was a bit more outgoing than I; however she knew exactly how to get me out of my shell. I found myself liking senora more and more but I didn’t feel confident in myself to win her, so I lied; a lot. I found myself telling two lies and truth (contradicted my past a lot but I guess she never paid me enough attention before to notice), but it was working, I felt myself rising out of the friend zone. I then started to feel some type of way, I was falling for her but was she falling for me? If so, which one, her friend Tristan who always been around or this new fictional character? I figured I could tell her the truth and she’ll love me anyway, I mean it worked for Aladdin. At this point, we were seeing each other frequently and I figured before we took things further I come clean. Duck Fisney, she didn’t want anything to do with me.
For the next year, I projected her to be my one, my true love, the one that got away…that was until I met “Her”, my first true love. “Her” made me look back and realize I was just throwing the word around. I still love “her” although we’ve come to terms that we can’t be, but shouldn’t love conquer all? That would bring me to misinterpretation #2…on another day.