Monthly Archives: August 2012


[EDITORS NOTE: Suffering from a mild case of writers block, I asked readers to give me a word, most were common names and food so alas I ended up with this one…*Kanye shrug*]

Yes 14 posts in and I’ve already resorted to made up words. Sue me.  So what is a flirtationship, it’s as the name suggest a flirting relationship, nothing more, nothing less. There’s several types of flirtationships: there’s the online flirtationship, common on Twitter, message boards and blogs.  There’s the Workplace flirtationship;  This is the one you tease throughout the work and causes whispers at the water bubbler, it’s like Jim and Pam from The Office before NBC forced them to be together because every show has to have a forced will they/won’t they couple. There’s the Customer Service flirtationship;  this is people who are paid to like you but you think it’s more anyways see cashiers, waitresses, strippers.  There’s levels of flirtationships; there’s thirst, casual, and what if.  The thirst is usually one sided,compliments which are shrugged off. Casual is mutual, there’s attraction but not enough to make either act upon it.  Then there’s what if the most dangerous where it becomes more than jokes and innuendo you start wondering what if, but again never acting on it.

I. Don’t take the flirtationship too seriously– Unless stated otherwise, flirting should be taken as just that.  Personally, I’m very oblivious, if a girl is throwing obvious signs I’ll probably still miss it.  I’m also oblivious to the fact that she might take what I’m saying to the head.

II. Don’t take the flirtationship outside of the original realm–  Perhaps a personal preference but if I flirt with you casually online, I don’t care to meet you.  What happens at the workplace stays at the workplace.  Why am I weird like that? Because it kills the mystique of it.  I don’t want to find out the cute waitress is really engaged or one of my twitter followers is really not as she say.

III. Don’t ruin actual relationships with Flirtationships- It goes without saying but most women I’m actually with, hate how flirty I am.  No matter how much I try to assure otherwise it’s a losing battle so obviously if it comes down to the flirtationship or actual relationship, relationship wins all the time, like rock over scissors.  In that same regard, like rule #1, don’t take me too seriously, don’t lose your husband over me.

IV. Flirtationships rarely evolve into anything more- As I is to III, II is to IV.  When one tempts fate and tries to take the flirtationship to the next level it rarely works. Why? Because usually flirtationships are based off superficiality.  Men and women usually flirt because there isn’t much else to talk about.

This is the part where I usually apply the word to my own life but I got nothing.  I enjoy my flirtationships, they’re silly, spontaneous and boost my already large heh heh heh ego.  But of course flirtationships aren’t for everybody, engage at your own discretion.



Filed under Love, Randomness, Relationships

Today’s Word is… INSECURITY


It was about 8-9 years ago.  I’m at the local pizza shop grabbing some food, next thing you know I’m getting rock bottomed.  I should’ve just had called for delivery. I’m immediate turned on my stomach and trying to get a glance at my assailant, I see two shiny shoes and an navy pants, it’s the good ol Boston Police.  I’m searched frantically by one as the other watches with his gun aimed directly at my royal blue du-rag, they grab my wallet and let me up and escort me out as the staff and other patrons wonder what the hell just happened here.  I’m stare at the two men, trying to discreetly read their badge numbers in case I got a broken rib of something.  Apparently I fit the description of someone who was reported carrying a gun,  they run my name, nothing.  A girl from the neighborhood passes by and says “oooh Tristan what did you you do” “Being black on a Thursday” I responded. Technically I was right, I wouldn’t fit a description if I was white, but I digress.  The first cop, a mid to late 30s white guy chuckles and shakes his head, the other a taller heavy set black guy wasn’t amused.  Thinking about it now I can see why he was offended, perhaps he didn’t like his blackness being questioned *shrug*.  Perhaps in one of the earlier forms of YOLOing, I became somewhat smart with the officers, my side hurt, I was hungry, and I was a straight A student at one of the best high schools in the city, I only dressed otherwise.  I knew I didn’t do anything wrong so why worry…

Black cop don’t care. Black Cop don’t give a sh*t

That’s my same view on relationships, even fat, black and ugly as ever, I never found myself insecure in a relationship after 2007 .  I look at it this way, if I know I’m doing everything in my power to keep her happy, then I have nothing to worry about, Hakuna Mutata.  As I said in my last post, that insecurity stems from within, either feeling like you’re not good enough or knowing that you’re doing enough.  I’ve been the insecure one and it ruined a good thing, I’ve been with insecure women and it ruined a good thing.  I’ve also been on the other end of the spectrum where I became too comfortable and it backfired and where she has and the same.  So it begs the question should there be a healthy amount of insecurity in a relationship, or is it always trouble?

Early in my dating life I was very insecure, fledgling confidence, feeling pressure to catch up to my peers (lies) relationships.  I blew up phones, I dropped L bombs everywhere, I dated “safe” women (and somehow still got played…smh), I was afraid to be alone and as a result I set myself up for failure.

After getting played I went ahead and switched my style up, I showed little to no emotion at all.  I dated vulnerable girls who I knew wouldn’t leave if I begged them to.  This didn’t last long because that’s how you end up with stalkers who pop up at your job, neighborhood and all over your social networks, smh.   I wasn’t giving my all and they were and they would be damned if they didn’t get it.



I’m over it. Seriously.

Karma was paying attention, because soon I found myself feeling neglected and insecure again.  Enter “Her” and umm lets call her…”Madame” (i’m running out of code names, about to assign shapes or colors lol). With “Her”, the insecurity stemmed from the fact that I first took her from someone else, would she turn around and do the same to me.  Later, she would leave me for the pettiest of reasons to the point I just didn’t felt like I could ever make her happy.  Factor in some legit things I did I won’t get into and suddenly I find myself letting “Her” go for good.  I knew we couldn’t work, there was too much heartbreak we needed a clean slate.  Followed by “Madame” who just didn’t seem to care about anything.  “Madame” is the only one I would believe if someone told me she cheated on me, but I did care about her…I think…I’m still not sure what drew me to her besides materialism and superficiality.  Which brings me to “She”, the insecure one.   I’ve brought her up on this blog way too much it would seem Drake-ish to touch on again.

So back to my initial question, is there a healthy amount of insecurity for a relationship.  Should one always have doubts and fear that one would leave or should both have without a shadow of a doubt security about theirs?  If the latter, then what is the incentive is there for one to change or try to improve?  I think one should always be slightly wary of competition, whether its another person or simply the allure of a single life.  However, there is a middle ground, where you’re constantly trying to keep you and yours secure but there’s an understanding that your job is not done.  No matter how happy you (think you and your mate) are, there’s always room for improvement.




Filed under Love, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… MAN

“I need a man, not a boy” – probably 83% of all hetero women dating profiles.

I remember one day I was talking to “Miss” and I jokingly said I was going to write a relationship book titled “You’re Doing too Much”. (Actually just might one day, my before im 30 bucket list has “publish writing” on it, it’s either that or a novel, I mean E.L. James isn’t too great a writer and she’s doing quite well #noshade #nopunintended #imgoingtofeelthewrathofGreyGroupieslater #imrambling). The idea of the book was simple, relationship advice book for people who are too reliant on relationship advice.  Most bloggers/matchmakers/divorced comedians are really just feeding out generalizations that seldom apply to everyone, but sounds sensible enough you just accept it, like Omarion’s singing ability.  *re-reads paragraph, turns down ether levels*

coming soon…maybe.

So alas here is the kinda sorta sneak preview to my non existing as yet to be titled copyright pending book, chapter I: Let Men be Men

He sees you, he is attracted.  You see him, the same.  He approaches you starts up conversation (oh yeah it’s 2012..) he messages you on Facebook as you two talk about what your interests are, who you be with, things that make you smile, what numbers to dial.  You go on a couple dates, you like him he likes you, you two decide to be in an exclusive relationship.  Now in the relationship, you’re unhappy.  He rather play Madden than go to the mall with you to pick out an outfit for a party he also elects not to go to.  You force him to watch reality TV but now feel uncomfortable because he’s checking out every chick on the screen.   He turns it to ESPN, you roll your eyes. He loses his job, you make more than enough to support the two of you until he gets back on his feet.  One day you ask him to make dinner and come home to fried chicken no vegetables or anything just chicken.  You don’t want chicken you rather go out for dinner/drinks now; you put on a dress, he throws on his McDowell’s t-shirt and a fitted. You hate that shirt because it’s so awesome random people always stop and inquire about it.  As expected, cute waitress compliments awesome shirt, you brazenly pick up check in attempt to emasculate him. You even elect to drive home since you took your car. He rolls eyes and uses his phone during ride, you notice he’s way too happy after you just defeated him.  You start to wonder what he’s up to when you’re not around. You start feeling insecure.  Now you’re on all you’re favorite blogs looking for signs he might have a sideline chick.  You start having trust issues and accusing him of things, he can’t take it anymore, ends relationship.  He now only hits you up to “chill”.  You’re on social networks talking about how all men are the same.

No, that wasn’t meant to be read in the DirecTV commercial voice. Yes, that was based on a true story. So what’s the moral here, to let a man be a man.  Men are far from perfect, the guy in the story certainly.  However, men command respect.  Respect their time, respect their space, respect their role in the relationship, respect their judgement.  If a man rather watch mid-season baseball than go to the town parade let him be.  If a man is accidentally logged on Facebook that doesn’t mean read his messages. Support and encourage him but understand you can’t “train” a man, only dragons. The judgement is truly underrated, men are not sex crazed idiots completely weak to another’s advances.  I love women I couldn’t imagine going a day without seeing one whether its a boo or a stranger, however I’m a man of commitment; when I make one, I stand by it. Also insecurity stems from within, it comes from even subconsciously knowing that you are not on your job….actually that might be another post entirely (and yes for those keeping score that’s 3 posts I have to do….eventually).  To be honest, it doesn’t take much to keep a man happy, most relationships fail because of timing and misplaced expectations.

Train dragons, not men



Filed under Love, Randomness, Relationships

Today’s Word is… SUMMERTIME

Back to back Jigga vids, I’m not a “stan” tho. I’m not a fan of the summer.  I hate bugs, the heat gives me headaches, I can’t swim, I miss my 501 jeans, and every time you plan something outside it rains.  Only thing good about June is my birthday (shoutout Juneteenth nah mean, team gemini we out here baby, one love *raises BET award*), July is as bland as it gets and August is pretty much the lame opening act to the fall.  If it wasn’t for cookouts and sundresses I would move to Alaska and watch Russia from my house.  Even in school, I wasn’t the kid that had a whole great plan for the summer, I knew I wasn’t doing much different than I did the other 9 months of the year.  Now, in the last weekend of August I look back and see my summer was pretty blah give or take. Although it would’ve been expected since it started off with me getting stood up on my birthday and LeBron James actually winning a title.

So basically allow me to recap my summer in bad luck Brian meme fashion.

Bets on Thunder in 6. Heat wins in 5.

Loses 60 lbs. Loses love.

Falls for new girl. Accepts internship in Thailand.

Goes to see Batman. Sold out.

Does books for struggling company. Sees they can’t afford me.

Starts to follow the Olympics. NBC coverage

Plans trip to Detroit. Cancelled.

Starts blog. Drama ensues.

Hopefully, the fall (my favorite season) brings about better luck.



Filed under Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… PRIDE


“Song Cry” is my favorite Jay-Z song, hell it’s my favorite song period, I even have the original sample, “Sounds Like a Love Song” by Bobby Glenn in my iTunes.  Curse Nelly winning that Grammy over him because white people loved saying “herre” that year but I digress.  The song spoke to me, granted I was too young to really say I could relate relationship-wise but the pride stood out.  I was the kid that always had a smile on his face, regardless how I really felt.  I guess even at a young age I realize the importance of not bringing your problems outside of the home and vice-versa.  Wear your pride on your sleeve and keep your emotions in your pocket, I guess that’s what some would call bottling up, I call it keeping things need to know.

Sometimes it backfires, as I let people and opportunities slip because I’m just too proud to put myself out there.  I know I shouldn’t hold myself back out of fear of rejection or judgment but it’s so much easier said than done.  To be honest my life is spiraling out of control at record speed,but you can’t see it coming down my eyes, so I gotta make this blog cry…

It’s like *cue The Sopranos finale blackout, i’m not even in the mood anymore…*


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Today’s Word is… LOCATION



I suck at giving directions.  I know how to get places by my own accounts but ask me for directions at your own risk, I’m going to give the best sounding guess you ever heard. Its 2012 there’s an app for that.  However I’m always asked for directions, after all I live in a big city full of tourism attractions. I’m from Boston, the city just as busy as New York but with 47% less douchebaggery.  I love Boston.  I love the people(somewhat), the mayor  who I’m convinced will remain mayor for the next 20 years if you let him, the sports teams even though the Red Sox is trying to make me go grey at 24 like I’m Andrew Bynum or something.  It’s the perfect city for my career field, busy enough to keep me entertained, dead enough that it’s not overwhelming.  I could never envision myself leaving (I was sold on going out of state for college and chickened out), but now I’m not so sure.  Could hop in a cab and yell “Holmes to somewhere? “


This can’t be life.

Lately I’ve been feeling like it’s now or never.  There’s not much keeping me here.  Sure there’s the obvious one, friends and family, but even them I see on occasions. What difference would it make if I lived 30 minutes from the city or 4 hours away?  There are places I could see myself living but could I make the plunge?  Brainstorming I’ve come up with a top 4 (well not really a top 4, my actual top 4 are similar as are my reasons, I just picked my 4 most diverse)

4. Houston- I’ve never been to Houston or Texas at all really. But for some reason I feel like I’d fit there.  And no it’s not just because some of the baddest women I ever seen have come from there.  There are a lot of financial jobs there so that’s right up my alley but then again I hate the heat.

3. Los Angeles- One of my first dreams was comedy.  I never could see myself going full out stand up, I don’t have the stage presence of all that.  I settled for a more realistic dream of comedy writer, behind the scenes.  However, this is a distant last place pick because I can’t see myself working for 6.65 an hour living in a rooming house, waiting for my big break.

2. D.C. – I was about 75% sure about going to Howard University.  My guidance counselor begged me to reconsider, struggling to find the least offensive way to say that I was above an HBCU.  A couple years later, I and my then girlfriend had plans to move to D.C. after school, but we didn’t work out.  There’s still part of me that is curious about living there.


Can I take my talents to the Two Up Two Down?

1. Richmond- I have plenty of family across VA and my father who finally left Boston well into his late 40s lives not too far in North Carolina.  In essence I wouldn’t be leaving my family, simply hanging on another branch of the family tree.  Miss is also moving there, that’s another incentive, but I’m not sure if that’s the best move career wise

I just don’t see how I could pick up and leave for good.  Maybe live temporarily but start a new life completely? I’m not sure.  My mother left Indiana and never looked back, my father wishes he had left Boston sooner, could I be somewhere on my hovercraft (yes I demand a hovercraft in the next 20-30 years, scientists) thinking about how leaving Boston was the greatest decision I ever made, or still here wondering why didn’t I go.  Who knows? *hums hook to “I’m on One”*


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Today’s Word is… ATTRACTION


Beyonce thirst…going 15 years strong

I was 9 years old, sitting in the living room coloring, playing with toys, or something 9 year olds did before they got iphones and stopped learning cursive writing.  My sisters were doing what teenage girls do; talking and watching music videos, back when music videos used to come on television and you didn’t have to go on Youtube or watch MTV at 4am.  I happened to glance up at the screen when this one music video was on.  It was a girl group, singing a repetitive chorus that was hard to ignore.  I could take my eyes off the lead singer with the shorts, who’d we all eventually come to know as Beyonce.  For the next 3-4 minutes, I was captivated, the voice, the smile, the lips on the one that wasn’t Kelly or Latoya (of course 9 year old me had NO clue what i was thinking about).  In that one instance, Beyonce became my 2nd crush, behind this girl my older brother used to talk to.  They were both similar in a way light skinned, pretty smile, long hair, and at 9 years old that became my thing. However, not long after my first kiss was from a chubby dark skinned girl, years later my first girlfriend ever, a chubby dark skinned girl.

Women always ask me “what types of girls you like” and my answer is really I don’t have one.  Today, my exes/boos/celebrity crushes are all across the spectrum of different sizes, shades and shapes.  Personalities, ages, and careers are just as diverse.  However, attraction is such a primal feeling, there has to be something that grabs my attention instantly, right? So for the sake of blogging, I’ve took various boos/exes and came up with the things that attracted me most about them



Large breasts-Just saying.

Smile– Smile is probably the most vain thing I would judge a woman on.  A nice smile is usually my green light to approach in the first place, so y’all mean mugging single chicks in the store need to loosen some face muscles

Voice– Another vain one, but this at least ties into conversation.  Accents, sweet voice will make me want to talk to you more. More I talk the more I learn, the more I learn the more I like.

Style- I’m no fashion guru, however I do take pride in my dress and a woman who does the same gets my attention.  I’ve dated some women who dress they behind off others who just looked good in anything.


Modesty– Out of the bunch I think 3 were strictly physical attractions.  I don’t want what everyone is drooling over, I want my own.  I like a girl that doesn’t take herself too seriously.

Intelligence- I like intelligent women as long as they’re not smarter than me.  Impress me. Challenge Me.

Some of these traits jump out instantly (no pun intended on the boobs), others might take time to discover, however attraction is instant.  It’s an urge that turns a woman from a stranger to someone you want.  Not to say I will jump at every fly, big breasted woman who smiles at me but my attention will be grabbed. It all becomes what is done with it afterwards.



Filed under Love, Simply Stan