Today’s Word is… TRUMPACOLYPSE

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It’s been a long 73 days between election night and the inauguration.  I’m not quite sure what stage of grief I’m on but it surely isn’t “acceptance”. Not sure if it ever will be.  Each day, each story I found myself losing my mind or wondering if America lost theirs.  I decided to journal through it. Alas we are here at inauguration and I figured no better time than to share some of my musings. I’ll warn you now, it’s pretty long. That’s what she said.  Alas, I bring you my 73 days of hell or as I call it…

The Trumpacolypse.

11/11/16- I just can’t see it. I can’t see this man giving state of the union addresses, I can’t see him getting off the plane and meeting foreign leaders, I can’t see a Presidential chart and his smug con man smile being at the end. Donald Trump is going to be President of the United States. For real. Not in some tongue in cheek satire, but real life. My future kids are going to learn about him in history books. January 20, 2021 can’t come soon enough.

11/14/16- I’m finding some delicious irony in white people feeling attacked as if this is their fault. (It is). They have resorted to safety pins, protests and long winded Facebook statuses because they hate being associated with their hateful skinfolk. They want to be treated as individuals, they are not a monolith, and they should not be held responsible for every Billy Bob and Margaret that broke America. I say hahahahahahahahahaha

11/16/16- Practicing self care via laughter…Black Twitter has provided us with “what do I look like I do for a living”, a Shirley Cesar trap cover, and a new Kermit meme. Calls to give the Great Trumpkin a chance are growing even though since being elected, he’s done nothing but frown, and tweet retractions to things that are very easily fact checked. It’s as though he has no idea how the internet works. God bless America.

11/21/16- I usually enjoy I told you so, it’s a freeing feeling, like hitting a fullcourt shot on the first try or walking away with a phone number and not an Instagram @. I warned folks about the false equivalencies, to stop listening to their social studies challenged cousin on Facebook…instead people raked Hillary through the coals for likes and clicks. People who tried to keep an open mind already have a bitter taste of crow as the Hate Trumpkin is very much is who we thought he was. This man has conflicts of interest all over the world, and is backed by a congress who will never have the stones to humiliate the party and impeach him so we have at least 2 years with an orange Tyrant. But hey at least he didn’t call us Superpredators 20 years ago. (He just treated the Central park 5 as such). God help America.

11/27/16- As Toupee Fiasco tweets freely about his desire to trample on the first amendment without a hint of irony, people have made a last ditch effort to Jill Stein’s recount. Effort, it is because there is absolutely no way to reverse the outcome (no refunds) which is all but futile because as I’ve been saying for the past fortnight and a half….white people lied, B. 62 million votes and they still trying to point the finger at the real racists. Did they vote accidentally? Are they so white they assumed leaving it blank was the proper way to vote? Who knows. I just want this inauguration to come and go and for the Dems to grow a pair and fight back instead of Monday morning quarterbacking.

11/28/16- The new Secretary of Education [Betsy DaVos] doesn’t believe in public schools. The new Secretary of Education doesn’t believe in PUBLIC SCHOOLS. THE NEW SECRETARY OF EDUCATION DOESN’T BELIEVE IN PUBLIC SCHOOLS

12/13/16- A blonde haired Kanye West meets with Darth Cheeto, while Macklemore spits on the F*ck Donald Trump remix. This year can end now.

12/19/16- As Dwight P Poe pretends to be stunned by news of the Russian hacking like Hillary didn’t literally say this in the second debate; we have arrived at confirmation day. The electorates will confirm Toupee Fiasco as our next “Precedent” (Thanks Hamilton. I’m glad you got clapped). I refuse to let the dwights off that easily because 63 million votes didn’t fall out the sky, they didn’t come from emails, and 25 year old superpredator quotes. There are decepticons among us, not to be trusted, because whIle they talk big and bad online, numbers don’t lie. For all I know, Keith Olbermann voted for Trump for the career boost after failing spectacularly in his ESPN return stint. (He’s been killing it btw but I don’t trust anybody, word to Stone Cold). Every person who switches lanes without signaling, Trump voter. Cowboys fan? Trump voter. Puts ketchup on their fries instead of dipping? Trump voter. Stay woke.

12/30/16- As Toupee Fiasco plans for inauguration, he finds himself in a strange place. 63 million supporters, not a friend in the world. Only person who seems to be unashamed to be seen with him is his daughter who is also his first lady because his own wife doesn’t want to be with him. The Decepticons are fickle creatures, they are the Angela Yee to Trump’s Gucci Mane. Trump who has built a brand on being lavish and extravagant, his Inauguration will be the blandest thing ever. It’s a high school assembly, pillow princesses, The OA, Mike and Mike in the morning, white people potato salad, coconut water, J Cole albums and RC Cola wrapped into one. I actually feel worst for Obama who has to attend, he’s been throwing the most turnt parties in DC the past year and is forced to attend the white mediocrity strugglefest. He rather be at a security briefing, or a press conference….speaking of, is Trump ever going to do any of those things? Ess em ayche. Happy New Year.

1/3/17- We have exhausted all other options. All that is left is…the troll. Unlike racists who trolled the President for 8 years whilst reaping benefits of health care, an auto bailout, Lily Ledbetter, and 5% unemployment; I wish I could say the same about the TwitterFingers-in-Chief. All I can do is sit semi comfortably above the poverty line and watch as the same poor uneducated people who elected him get hit harder than Ronda Rousey. It feels cruel. Enh, well.

1/6/17- 

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work, a story on the news caught my attention. The sheriff for Bristol county was being sworn in for his 4th term, he then would use his 15 seconds of fame to make a pitch to the Cheeto-Elect; “aye I got this free labor if you need it big dawg”. Even being well aware of the 13th amendment, the caucdacity of offering prison labor publicly literally 5 minutes into a new term, it startled me. I couldn’t believe it so I had to look it up, no way that actually happened…it did. So I shared on twitter with a quip “inward, that’s slavery.” and got ready for work. I check my phone later and see thousands of responses from the dwight p poe talking about “well we feed and shelter them with our taxes, they need to work”. “I don’t share empathy with criminals”. Without a hint of irony, regular degular schmegular dwights were sounding no different than slavemasters in the movies they fake cry in and want to give Oscars to. The same people who rebuke the idea of white privilege because they didn’t own slaves and are otherwise unremarkable can’t see the fault in an elected official literally selling free labor to build a wall that is supposed to be saving jobs in the first place. People read history books and wonder how people sat by and let such awful things happen…it’s because (white) people are evil, B. Entitled, selfish, evil people.

1/10/17- Golden showers, B?  Is this House of Cards? Somewhere Hillary is pissed at how NOW that Trumped Up, Trickle Down zinger would land better.  For what it’s worth, I don’t believe it, but I fear worst is coming. Urine for a long 4 years, America.

1/11/17- Last night, as I watched the farewell address of the President I acknowledge, I couldn’t help but think how remarkable he is, how surreal it is this black dude has been President for as long as I could vote. How he speaks of this country with such optimism, it’s almost childlike, I almost wish I could see the country through his eyes.  Then I watch Trump’s press conference. He’s cheeto dusted Mayor Quimby. He is inarticulate, inept, and so transparently corrupt, I don’t know how I can take 4 years of this. I just picture the next state of the union as he spews lies upon lies while Race Bannon and the teacher from Glee nod along. I sit in fear at what secrets Russia actually has over them, and the sacrifices they will make to keep it that way. The idea that Obama had to be as perfect as possible and Trump can just exist in his own mediocrity is troublesome.  I then see an article on Vox breaking down his “unique” manner of speaking. It goes on about how he is to be heard and not quoted. Cute. But the reality is HE DOESN’T KNOW WORDS, B. “Hacking duffence” isn’t some New York linguistic, he just doesn’t know what cybersecurity is. This isn’t normal, it never will be. *sigh* At this point, it’s starting to feel like talking to the moon. It’s going to be a long 4 years.

1/12/17- Hasn’t even been a full day. At 1:30am, Obamacare was murdered. Congress grabbed Lucille and took a beating to it. Preexisting conditions? Gone. Staying on your parents insurance til 26? Gone. Their replacement? Well….they’ll get around to it. With no plan in place, Democrats will be forced to accept whatever plan is given or fight it as 36,000 people a year die waiting. This isn’t the plot of an action movie, this is real life. How could well meaning politicians do this?  I truly don’t believe people run for office planning to do harm. Yet, the idea of Obamacare being called Obamacare, was too much for them. Maybe in hindsight we should’ve kept it known as the ACA (which some still don’t realize is the same thing).  Me, I’m 27, in good health, private insurance, and in a state that has insurance just in case. (I guess because we didn’t call it Romneycare no one felt the need to destroy it). In that regard, I’ll probably be alright. But for people waking up having no idea what they will do? It’s heartbreaking. All because of a name, man. A name.

1/20/17- It’s official. Donald J. Trump is the President of the United States.  My President’s a hack, my Passat is Blue. I said a little while back, that Barack Obama, a Harvard education biracial married father, was everything America pretended it was.  America IS Trump, a narcissistic, thrice divorced “billionaire”, who tweets too much and is loud and wrong about everything.  For 8 years we had this incredible black man stand as the face of a “post racial” America but that’s not what this country is.  We’re out of shape, broke, with a spray tan.  This IS Trump’s America, and we deserve all that shame that comes with this fact.  Maybe I’ve finally reached acceptance. Or as close as I will ever get.  I wrote this entry in advance, as I plan to spend my Friday ignoring any and everything Inauguration related.  Self care is important. I can’t bury myself forever, I will be back knucking, bucking and ready to fight.  Just not today.    I can’t believe this country did this to ourselves.

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… FENCES

So after an eventful day that involved a flat tire, a dirty macking tow driver, a joyride with a Jamaican delivery driver, an Uber kidnapping attempt, a curve and a bottle of wine (my life is a Seinfeld episode)…I eventually saw Fences. I had heard such great reviews I broke my usual only go to the movie theatre for blockbusters rule and checked it out.  What really made me intrigued was I seen a clip going around of James Earl Jones and Denzel’s play performances in a who did it better, and while the question was dumb what scene itself spoke to me.  The son, Cory, asked his father “why don’t you like me?”  You would think at this point there would be a denial, an apology, and a hug while sitcom music played.  Instead, the father, Troy, responds with a passionate rant about providing, responsibility, respect and to answer his question liking his ass wasn’t part of the deal.  (Sidenote: watching the clips, Mufasa is taken dead seriously while Denzel’s damn near has a laugh track…wonder why that is).  But that scene right there, was my father. He provided, he disciplined, he handled business.  I turned out pretty dope so props to him.  I could call him today if I needed anything. Call him to talk just to chat, talk about the game, not necessarily.  It’s a reality we are both aware of, promise to work to be better at, over the years we’ve had more father/son outings but it always returns back to normal after a while. Now, I love my father, he loves me…but we aren’t friends. I struggle with that sometimes. 

In some regard I sound…ungrateful, I didn’t want for much, material wise.  Most of my friends don’t even know theirs.  And frankly, he’s the only parent I have left.  My sisters adore him, so my indifference goes off as smoothly as telling J Cole fans he’s been making the same album for 5 years. Even in Fences, Troy is a drunk and an adulterer and it’s easy to follow along as Cory becomes too through with him.  In my life, my father isn’t perfect but he took care of his children.  Now I’m  grown and I don’t necessarily need anything from him…so what do we do here?  Cory eventually found himself, as a grown man, defiant of his father; I guess I fear appearing the same.  I also feel like the buck should stop somewhere, that passing down generations of tough love and indifference can’t be healthy.  That maybe it gets better with time, my father and grandfather weren’t close, that went down to me and I guess it’s on me to end the cycle so to speak.

We aren’t our parents, working the same old job for 30 years to pay off our mortgage before we can retire in an empty nest.  Millennials wonder why not do something different? As society shifts views on masculinity, sexuality, mental health, the I’m the parent tough love,  do what I say because you’re in my house, try Jesus but you best not try me mentality…who knows if it’ll work on (whatever we gonna call these little niglets generation).   “I’m not one of ya lil friends” should be in the NMAAHC if it isn’t already.  I was raised with tough love, I got beatings, told to man up, lectured on respectability politics, had a list of chores every weekend and left home at 18. I’m certain this next generation will be raised different. Because society is different.  

At the end of Fences, Cory/Troy never mended (ba-dum-tss) their relationship and the moral of the story was, he wasn’t perfect but he was yours.  I feel like that’s where I’m at right now.  That I can chalk it up to it being a different era. Of course, we’re both still here so it’s not too late to change the dynamic, maybe I’ll ask him if he’s seen it. He’d probably be team Troy. Parents, man. 

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… READY

 

I never really believed in being “ready” for a relationship.  What was there to be ready for?  You want me or you don’t. Find someone you like,  be with that person, fin. To me, not yet means not you.  I can look back at the times when I was “working on me” or “needed time” and honestly say it was just never going to be them. (Sorry)   I know myself, and I know I’m not that selfless to pass up on someone special to work on me.  Someone “cool”? Probably. Even now, I could say I’m chilling on the dating front…the right person comes along and I’ll jump right off that cliff.  I don’t know no better. It’s the flaw of the romantic; to go with the possibility, the potential, the idea that you can go through it together. It’s sweet, but admittedly naive.  Life isn’t like the movies. 

In the romantic comedy,  the jaded, heartbroken career person gets pressured by their best friend to go on the date in the first place, they are charmed by the person, then they screw it up because jaded and heartbroken, and then they realize the error of their ways, and it’s happily ever after.  In real life, someone tells you they aren’t ready for a relationship, you try tirelessly to win them over to no avail, at best y’all are sleeping together, at worst you’re just “a friend”.  It cuts you like a knife, that they can’t see that this can be their forever but you also can’t bring yourself to leave because they make you happy. You’ve convinced yourself that one day your efforts will be rewarded, but they never are. You get fed up.  You call them out, you talk about everything you do for them…they will retort tell you they never asked you to.  You’ll be checkmated because they are absolutely right.   

Like the Great Auntie Maya says, When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  They tell you they aren’t ready for a relationship, believe them.  They change their mind…well… I’m torn.  My gut would say don’t; they had a chance and passed, now for all you know someone they DID want curved them and here they is coming back to you.  Keep your heart, 3 stacks.  My head would say, good… now make her earn YOU.  But I’m working on being a better person in 2017. My heart would say, this is still the person who made you excited about what’s possible again.  Yes, they are late to them the party but they arrived nonetheless.  
A lesson I’m still learning: everyone just won’t see things my way. (The world would be so much better if they did, instead we have Bigots in Chief and people still eating bland blood colored chocolate and calling it “velvet”).  As someone who knows what he wants the second he sees it, I can’t take it (too) personally when someone may just be too busy with work, or needs to work on themselves first, has their reservations, or kinda hates men at the moment.  That sometimes people just aren’t with trying to fix things on the fly.  (Inefficient, really…but I digress). So while for me, “not ready for a relationship” is a soft curve but for others it can mean just that.  Next thing you know you gonna tell me dogs actually eat homework.  

Pursuer privilege is also a factor here. If I’m not ready for a relationship, I can simply stop dating, stop entertaining, just chill.  I don’t really have to worry about someone coming along who is everything I want and having to really assess if I’m ready to do this. (Because women I’m don’t/shouldn’t shoot shots…but that’s another post).  For me to pursue someone on my own accord and then say I’m not ready.  It’s not me, it’s them.  Even if maybe I pursued them and they just went 0-60 with it, again…not my actual readiness for a relationship it’s my readiness for theirs. Saying I’m not ready, just sounds cleaner…and after I leave y’all this game don’t say I never gave you nothing:

(If they actually didn’t know what they wanted, they wouldn’t be shopping in the first place.)
Happy New Year. 

-Stan-

 

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Today’s Word is… TWENTYSEVENTEEN

Still technically a word. 

My 2016 started with kissing a girl I wouldn't see again this year, missing a girl I would hope to spend this year with, a new promotion and a good deed. (So I was out seen this homeless woman who asked for a coffee, I'm still in good spirits I'm like sure, come inside with me, I order my coffee and I tell them and whatever she's having.  She gets like 8 things.  And the change.  I couldn't even be mad.) I was still riding high.  I don't even remember what even happened in 2015, but apparently I was really glad it was over. And if the previous night was be any inclination, 2016 was about to be lit.  It was bout to be my year. Twenty Tristeen, B.  


Well….it wasn’t 


It was the opposite of lit. Dark. Dull. Extinguished.  2016 was cranberry sauce, bad credit, charley horses during sex, the Cleveland Browns, and Lena Dunham all wrapped into one.  2016 just lingered like a foul smell.  Playing it back in my mind…March was dope, May was dope, July was dope; that's 3 hot months in a 12 month average.  Prince is dead, Donald Trump is next President, and our hoverboards still don't hover. It was that kinda year.  


After the past year, you can't help but look at 2017 like a knight in shining armor.  A fresh start, new energy, and most importantly, a re up on vacation time.  I'm someone who does get into the New Year thing just as my mother did. She would have the black eyed peas and cabbage on deck (with my collard greens on the side because I hate cabbage and I'm blessed and highly favored).  She ensured a man walked through the door first (is that patriarchy?), there was no laundry undone, we had money in our pockets.  She was all about bringing new positive and energy into each new year, regardless of how right or wrong she was about the year prior.

I'm #NewYearHive. It and Labor Day are probably my favorite holidays (because how many other holidays do we have that isn't historically inaccurate or over commercialized).  I enjoy New Years Eve shenanigans, as well as my new favorite tradition of laughing at people who don't seem to understand how Uber surges work.  You paid $250 to go 6 miles.  Sucks to be you. Yes, it's simply just a day, but I'm for positivity, progress and relief from fuckshit.  If people want to use 1/1/17 to make some changes in their life, who am I to judge (even though the Y gets filled with a bunch of resoluters who hog benches, take a bunch of selfies and won't be here after Valentines Day anydamnway).  It's a time to sit back and really assess the past year and the lessons learned.  Pour a little out for the ones who won't be with you in the next year literally and figuratively and appreciate the ones who will.

Even as someone who likes New Year's, I still don't do resolutions in the traditional sense.  I just hope to travel, eat good and laugh a lot.  I didn't have any resolutions going into this year, and there's none going out.  I mean sure, I have some steps to take in my career, put a little more effort into some side hustles, grow, live, learn and all that good stuff.  (The fact I could only come up with those generic ass goal exactly why I don't do New Year's Resolutions).

So I'm looking forward to 2017, and whatever it may bring.  Hopefully, this time next year I'm writing about all the great things that's happened, and I'm even more excited for 2018, because that's how New Years works, there's always optimism on the other end.  See y'all next year.

-Stan-

 

 
  

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Today’s Word is… GIFTS

[Editors Note: Yeah, it’s a throwback. Merry Bhristmas and all that.  Be back next week. I think. Pretty sure tho.]

Tis the season to be jolly. Meh, not really. Anyway, Christmas time is around the corner and as we all make our lists and check it twice we stumble upon a boo that wasn’t there last year. New boos are hardest to get gifts for because obviously you don’t know them as well and you don’t know their own gifting ways. Ever get a gift for someone and get nothing in return, awkward. Ever do so a good 4-5 years in a row? Bah, humbug. Now, I’m an easy guy to shop for. I talk a lot about things I need or will treat myself to and because I’m a horrible procrastinator it’s very easy to beat me to the punch. I think men in general are like this, unless they are like Hurricane Buckfoy or some other lame, they don’t care about gifts they appreciate gestures that
a)showed you pay attention
b)takes something off their own to do list.

Women, I can say not so much. Feel free to disagree, but one of my favorite gifts last year was a new pair of clippers, buy a girl a blowdrier she’ll look sicker than an Alabama fan. Look at mother’s day sales, it’s for jewelry, flowers, spa trips. Father’s Day it’s tools and ties and sh t for work. Women appreciate spoils, men appreciate appreciation. It could all be so simple, but women rather make it hard when it comes to getting their #him a gift for Christmas, I’ve personally had my share of bad gifts. Some will be on this list of gifts not to get your man

The I Got Cash #struggleface

Cash- Where was you in the first paragraph, men like things they don’t have to get themselves. A couple years back, I asked “She” for an ipod touch, she apparently couldn’t find one and gave me the cash to get it myself, the cash went to bills and I haven’t had an ipod since. (Reminder this was written in 2012. iPod Touch…remember that was a thing?)

Gaming Consoles- There isn’t a man who wouldn’t appreciate an XBox One or PS4 (don’t get the PS4 Pro, it’s trash) this year but personally I’m just leery of any girlfriend making that large a purchase for someone unless it’s really real. Also the rule of thumb of gifts in general is don’t buy anything you can’t afford to replace.

Gift Cards that don’t cover sh*t– Gift cards are always the go to gifts right? However don’t get me a $20 gift card to Dick’s Sporting Goods and I can’t even buy a single item without shelling out my own money, it’s pretty much the equivalent of a coupon. Go hard or go home

Framed Picture– That’s for you not him. Something to put in his crib or office that lets everyone know you’ve arrived. If you’re going to go that route, go the extra mile and get a painting at least or something that shows you went beyond the neighborhood CVS

Clothes-Personally I don’t mind when a woman adds a touch of her own style to my wardrobe, I also prefer to do that while shopping together. Some men don’t even want that much, and rather not be bothered with what you think might look good on them. *side eyes my closet*

Wrong Item-If you don’t know, ask. I don’t know how one could mess up in a Google era but if you’re going to get him NBA 2K17, don’t get 2k16, if you’re going to get him a case for his tablet, make sure it fits. Nothing puts a damper on a holiday than striking out at the plate and knowing you can’t do anything about it until the next day. Hopefully, you’re doing the exchange (because again men like things they don’t have to get themselves)

Music-Unless he’s an avid collector, let’s be real no one buys music anymore, it’s streamed or downloaded now.

Some Assembly Required-Once again the ghost of Christmas past visits, I received one of those portable closet wardrobe thingys, it was something I did need at the time but, it came in a nice box with 40 pieces and only thing worse than going out and buying my gift is building it now if only I had some…

Tools– Unless it’s for their actual job, stay away from Home Depot this Holiday season (unless you’re buying a tree). I received a power drill once, it’s been useful to me over the years but bear in mind, I’m an accountant.

Colognes-Men who wear colognes know their colognes. Unless it’s something specific it’s probably better to leave it alone.

Now if you’ve bought any of these gifts or plan on it I suggest you go back to the drawing board, or talk to him and make sure he’s one of the exceptions. Otherwise, go with the 2 original guidelines, show you’ve been paying attention and get something he really didn’t want to have to get himself. If you haven’t then, are you sure that’s your man?

-Stan-

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Today’s Word is… FEMINIST

I’m not a feminist.

That sentence, alone, already feels loaded.  Am I anti feminism?  No.  Do my values and beliefs line up with intersectional feminism? Yes. Shouldn’t that make me a feminist?  No. Feminism takes work, learning, growing…I’m not there, maybe never will be.  Do I see myself sitting down reading Roxanne Gay or Rebecca Solnit? No.  Which begs the question, why not?  Am I being willfully ignorant? The fact that I choose not to do said work, does that make me a bad person?  How feminist am I? That sounds like a Buzzfeed quiz (Turns out it IS a buzzfeed quiz, I got a 42/50, I mean why even do this post now?) . I guess my issue with actually calling myself a male feminist, is not dissimilar to white allies.  I can’t help but roll my eyes when every white person who dances on beat or says black lives matter gets an invitation to a cookout, or how people were actually down to give Rachel Dolezal a pass because she worked with a NAACP chapter.  Well intentioned or not; I’m more particular about who can sit with us. So going back to feminism and being on the other side of the privilege I can understand a woman saying, you don’t have enough stars for this level.

On the other hand, I can recognize what a black male feminist means.  On social media, I’ve watched men change their tune when a man they respect speaks up. In my day to day life, men are far more likely to listen to me than a woman.  I might check someone on their language or make fun of how ridiculous they sound sometimes but as far as really trying to change minds and hearts…I don’t have that energy.  I’ve said on the “Homies” post, men are only going to take so much lecturing, so much challenging before you get hit with the “who’s mans is this?” and pushed out the barbershop.  Its one thing to be a black male feminist online, clapping back at the League of Ashyassins on Twitter, it’s another to actually challenge “locker room talk” in said locker room when there isn’t a legion of followers behind you.  I can’t help but roll my eyes at men who claim to be down because they are on the right side of the Bill Cosby debate whilst ignoring all the other problematic stances they take.  

Feminism, through the lens of a black man can be conflicting at time. In a  patriarchal society, men cannot remove themselves from their power and privilege in relation to women. But in a racist society, black men hardly have power to wield in the first place.  The black man and the white woman fight for 2A and 2B, depending on a white man’s proclivities. It’s Oppression Olympics; it could be easy for me to not care about women earning 78 cents of the male dollar when I’m making 75 on the white dollar so we bicker for the support of black women, whom are sideeyeing us both whilst making 64.  There’s a clear common denominator here.  It would make sense that we’d all come together, but, well, we saw how that worked out on November 8th.

I’m not a feminist.  I’m just trying to be the best person I can and trusting my sensibilities.  Continue to grow, continue to mature.  I’m not the same man I was 5 years ago, I won’t be the same 5 years from now.  Honestly, that quiz gave me more credit than I give myself.  I see women and men putting in WORK to change things and I feel like it’d be insulting to them to act like I’m kicking it the same. I just carry myself as someone who was raised right.  Maybe that’s enough, maybe it isn’t. Time will tell.  In the interim, I’m just gonna relax and take notes from the ally section.
-Stan-
 

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    Today’s Word is… HOLIDAY

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    It’s the most wonderful time of the year.  I mean technically I would argue that Fall is, but there’s no song for it.  As the holidays approach, so do the holiday parties; the one day your company tries to buy back your love after all the bullshit they put you through over the year.  For what it’s worth, I enjoy holiday parties.  I enjoy seeing people out of their usual element and get routinely amazed how people take a few shots and completely forget they are still at a work function.  Every year I sit and babysit my drink and watch colleagues make asses of themselves, I’m not that heroic.  I remember at one job I had, a manager got lit and I’m pretty sure she shot her shot at every brother on the payroll.  Someone may have took her up on that offer.  We still judge him. Drunk white women are predatory as fuck with black men, but that’s another post for another day.  The best parties to attend are other peoples’, I can be charming and social with no expectation that this same me will be here on Monday morning.  So as I’m sure you enjoy your holiday party shenanigans this weekend; just remember the rules to live by:

    1. If it’s not open bar, its not a holiday party; it’s Happy Hour.
    2. If it is open bar, its not a holiday party; it’s a challenge
    3. In spite of #2, handle your liquor
    4. I’m probably going to forget your +1s name by time the handshake ends
    5. Yes, white people you can dance. You still can’t dance alone.
    6. Don’t talk to me about work.
    7. You’re allowed 3 snapchats tops. After that you’re just being the feds
    8. I know it won’t but I want the ugly sweater trend to die in a fiery crash.
    9. Just because we shared a laugh at the party, doesn’t mean its now our inside joke for the next 6 months
    10. Always arrive a little late, black people…well y’all know.
    11. Don’t stare at the health crazed vegan on their 4th drink. You don’t know their life.
    12. The worst person in the world is the one person who didn’t go to the party but insists on full recaps on Monday.
    13. Just because they’re wife/husband ain’t there doesn’t mean they aren’t still married, savage
    14. Be mindful of your Yankee Swap gifts; last year someone brought a 50 Shades of Chicken cookbook, thankfully a white woman opened it
    15. The Yankee Swap isn’t that deep you can just buy those wine glasses, Susan
    16. If your workhusband/workwife is more attractive than your date, watch how more flirty they get going forward
    17. Don’t try to to pull the intern, have some couth
    18. You can learn everything about how a coworker feels about you by how their date reacts to your name
    19. Don’t be the ones starting rumors on Monday, stay out grown folks business
    20. Festive Casual isn’t a t shirt
    21. The boss always notices who wasn’t paying attention when they was giving a few words
    22. If someone asks you how many drinks/plates you have…it’s not a genuine inquiry, have the clapback ready
    23. Greet your boss, greet their date, avoid them for the rest of the evening
    24. One day we going to have to tell white people we don’t do Kwanzaa so they can stop trying to squeeze it in…the hell is Kwanzaa Bread Pudding, B
    25. And most important of all, don’t end up in HR on Monday.  Getting fired for Holiday Party shenanigans is literally getting fired on your day off. You got to be a dumb muhfugga to get fired on your day off.

    -Stan-

     

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