Today’s Word is… ADELE

[Editor’s Note: THIS IS NOT A REVIEW, I don’t know why people would want a review of an album 24 hours after its release, do you really need someone to tell you that you like it.. Or do you just want some talking points to sound smarter when you discuss it? Pewn Pewn, shots fired. And now for your featured presentation]


So I listened to Adele’s new album.  I loved it.  Maybe even more than her previous ones.  (Not to say it’s better, 21 musically is absolutely stellar and the more superior album).  25 is a tale of reflection on the one that got away, unrequited love and “this is probably a bad idea but fuck it, I need this” sex…shit, that’s my life.   (I won’t touch A Million Years Ago, because I don’t appreciate Adele strumming my pain with her fingers, singing my life with her words, it was like how I imagine Ronda Rousey felt when she caught that kick to the dome… I knew it was coming but I didn’t know it was coming…damn you!) As I listen, with each track it sets in that maybe I’m actually the on the wrong side of these love songs.  When did I become the bad guy in this movie?  Is this what white people felt when they first heard To Pimp A Butterfly or Black on Both Sides?  It’s like being the person who watches Hannibal and is like, you know he isn’t that bad, technically he is just hunting meat that can talk.  Care and manipulation, killing then eating…isnt that where chicken comes from?  See…. I’m turning heel.  Total, help me sang.

I also listened to Bryson Tiller’s debut album. (Yes I’m using Adele and Bryson Tiller in the same breath, just rock with me for a second) When I was able to move past the fact “Trap Soul” is just an meaty oaker made genre for artists who don’t got enough bars to rap and don’t have the range for traditional R&B and gave the album a fair spin, I liked… the first 6 songs.  I’ll take the mediocre (yes I just used mediocre again in case someone didn’t get the joke and thought I was an imbecile) singing over those tired yell raps.  What I did come away with is… This is what the other side sounds like;   A man who gets jealous when she tries to move on, tries to win back her heart even though he has no intentions on doing something with it.  A man who would take that offer for “one night only” even though he knows damn well she isn’t really bout that life.   A man who doesn’t get his ego stroked by his conquests but rather how sprung he can get her.  Shit… Am I that guy? 

Yes. Of course not.  Depends who you ask.  Look she grown she should know better. God ain’t thru with me yet.  The correct answer is that I was.  Without googling I can say Bryson Tiller has to be under 25, because that’s how an under 25 year old would do things.  (When you get over 30 then you can just say it’s sex addiction,  shoutout Eric Benet.)  I’m closer to Adele’s age than Bryson’s, closer to the antagonist in Adele’s songs than the protagonist in his.  I would’ve said Adele is doing it to herself,  but now I can say… You know what, I get it.  Growth and shit. 

As with most double standards, the same way no one wants to heat white people’s hurt feelings over the #inward, the one on the other end of the love song is the villain.  No matter how good you think you’ve elucidated or how logical your argument… If you’re the one breaking the heart it’s your fault.   I bet  Adele’s ex is somewhere like, yo but SHE ASKED to come over and SHE made the first move….. Been there bruh, been there. 


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Today’s Word is… CREATIVE


So I blog, I draw, I podcast, I’ve written articles, short stories, plays and songs, I cook, I’ve dabbled in graphic design, I’ve “acted”, I’ve owned a web store, I’ve owned an actual art gallery, I’ve built shit from Ikea, I’ve built shit from scratch, I can’t sing or dance because God had to keep me humble.  So all that to say I’m dope a creative person.  I have a busy mind.  The drive to turn some of these talents into business… Well… That’s another story.  I’m more of a hobbyist, as well as my harshest critic, I don’t want #meatyocrity out there with my name on it.  No shade by any means, but I kinda admire people who are able to put themselves out there no matter what….we all have that friend who raps, or the cousin with an Instagram boutique, and personally I can’t not seem to meet a woman who doesn’t write or do hair and makeup (is that just the female equivalent of the aspiring rapper these days?)

I do admire other creatives; as peculiar as they may be. For instance Dessi is an amazing artist and Special was a singer, (there was a dancer in there as well I don’t remember if she got a nickname) .  Creation is an easy icebreaker; I like creatives for their passion, their quirkiness, their drive.  I don’t know if I have the same connection with my own work.  I’m nonchalant; modest.  If a woman didn’t see it for my blog (most don’t) or my art I don’t think I’d get in my feelings about it. Maybe a little, but we’ll get to that later.  Anyway, for others creatives their craft is an extension of them you can’t love one without the other.   And with that we begin our tale of deceit and struggle…

I met a girl yada yada yada, she tells me she writes poetry.  She’s fine so I cast aside my abhorrence for spoken word and go to see her perform at an open mic.  It was dreadful.  Like, it was something about being locked up and licking the steel bars and tasting tears.  Then I had to stay for a couple more of her fake deep friends to perform.   Not the way I envision a perfect evening.  So, of course she asks how was she… She was nervous, but she felt really good and who am I to strike this dream down.  So of course, I lie and she lights up.  I won’t tell you how many more open mics I ended up going to, she would read poems over the phone, wrote a few about me…I was stuck.  I tried to ride it out maybe as I liked her more, I would love her struggle stanzas but can you really build a foundation on a lie? No.

Aint say I didn’t try tho.   We were a few months in, she would send me stuff to read I would pretend to like it. What’s a little white lie if they take it as support; why you think Jhene Aiko out here thinking she the next Sade, some dude couldn’t tell her the truth…. I feel you bruh, I feel you. So, remember how I said I wouldn’t get in my feelings if someone didn’t like something EYE did. Well that was a lie.  So one day I send Sigh,Ugh Angelou a drawing I was working on and she… wasn’t a fan.  She gave a critique and so since we were letting each other in on our true feelings, I may or may not have implied that more work was spent on my drawing than her fake deep poems thay sound like every other chick with Microsoft Word that thinks they’re deep.  It escalated quickly and we stopped speaking.  Who knows what Phyllis Weakley is up to these days.  Maybe she got her bars up.  Shrug life. 

Creatives are an odd bunch.   The passion that makes them great can make them just as insufferable. (West, Kanye).   Creatives crave support, especially from the ones they care about.  When their rap video only had 17 views it mattered that you was probably 11 of them, perhaps they aren’t ready to share their gifts with the world but they share with you and that’s good enough for them.   When a creative has someone who truly appreciates and values them as well as their art, it’s a beautiful thing.  When that support is really just superficial gassing…. Well, just ask Toni Snoreisson over there. 


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Today’s Word is… STABILITY


I fell in love with my best friend.  The transition was seamless (well except the whole I was with someone else, who wasn’t really the one, kinda cold,  a little too pragmatic you know real romantic comedy-esque).  So that first ex reached out cuz #heystrangerseason and we went out to catch up (cuz bored) . She’s doing alright for herself as I always expected. She does the whole are you still with ol girl thing, I tell her no, I ask how’s her life these days she’s like oh I been seeing someone for a few YEARS. Years B.  Ironically enough he’s kinda cold, a little too pragmatic and so she wonders about what if she was just able to soften up a little would we had worked.  (We wouldn’t) I don’t even know if I am that romantic sap anymore anyway.   I have no regrets, I would go back and make that decision every time.  It was interesting to see myself through her eyes because I see myself through her now.   I am a little colder, a bit more of a pragmatist; however it suits me more in my mid 20s than it did her in college… It wasn’t until I wrote this out that I remembered she was like 5 years older than me.  Just ruined my whole premise. I think I can still make this work.  Let’s just backtrack a bit… (oh and she picked up the check… Cuz years, B)

I fell in love with my best friend.  The transition was seamless, we went from friends to my nephew drawing her in the family pictures, apparently he knew before I did.  They say all you need is love and all that and for a while I was right there with it, but ultimately what did us in was I valued stability more than I realized.  Wanting stability gets a bad rep, have nots like to standard shame and flip the narrative from wanting someone who has their shit together to I ain’t saying she a gold digger.  Love conquers all sounds good but even Martin and Gina didn’t flourish until Martin got his shit together.   There’s only so much cuddling and forehead kisses can do when an otherwise unhappy life awaits us outside of the bedroom.  Giving your all to better the one you love only to look back and realize they’re the same person they’ve always been and all that work was over compensating for the fact that you knew better.  When I say I need someone stable, I don’t even mean just financially but rather…. Is you happy?  

We’re guilted into this idea that love is adversity, it’s a grind, weather the storm to see the sun on the other side.  Get in on this potential, I might maybe could work out.  Be that 6th, 9th and 17th view on his YouTube video, he overdosed in a brothel go get your man Khloe, sure she can’t keep a job, quits everything she tries and spent thousands of your dollars on Lord knows what… P.O.P hold it down.  Thats not to say, abandon these people; just you have some things on your plate, handle your business…I’ll be over here in the friend zone.  (Until that blows up because we’re so entitled that how dare someone care about you and not want to be with you). 

Love is an investment, and like any investment it can pay off or blow up in your face.  I’m sure I could Google a story about a couple that slept in a car together and now they’re millionaires, good for them, but for every one of them there’s about plenty more wondering I can’t believe I slept in a car for this muhfugga.  I’m not that brave anymore, I don’t need perfect but I do want…stable, together, we can contribute to make each other’s lives better.  Of course, this could all be null and void because with my luck I’ll probably fall for a grad student who still reeling from a bad breakup because God be trolling like that. 



Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships

Today’s Word is… SHIPS

Editors Note: A throwback for your Tuesday.Yeah I could wait til Thursday and it’s clearly a repost so it’s not like I can’t just wait to not actually do any work, but I feel like posting today. You will deal, or you won’t I would just hate for something like this to ruin your day. Anyway, enjoy.


So I got a few emails recently, the typical “why is he tripping”, “mixed signals”, “is he creeping” variety.  What was interesting was none of these guys were boyfriends and as someone who’s dabbled in 50 shades of gray area dating, I know that reserving feelings before commitment is easier said than done; feelings gon feel.  However, these complicated “I’m not touching you” like commitments are growing increasingly common because everyone wants the security of a relationship but none of the responsibilities.  Naturally, we’re made to love *John Legend wail* but how do you stay faithful with a phone full of heauxs?  Grow up and understand that infatuations are only cute for so long and understand its incomparable to ones love? Yes.  But that completely derails the concept of this post which is…….the pseudo relationship.  Even right now, you could be in a pseudo relationship and pseudo even know it. *Rimshot*.  As the screaming troubadour Meek Mill says, there’s levels to this sh t.

At the start there’s the….

Imaginationship- A relationship that will never happen. We all have our celebrity crushes who we are dating in our heads. Hi Scarlett. Some people can post a Man Crush Monday or Woman Crush Wednesday and think nothing of it, while others legit come off batsh t crazy.  Hi Elle.  Imaginationships sometimes transcends celebrity and they just go full Morello on you. 

Bepatientship- You’re not crazy; they keep reassuring you that eventually this is going to happen (when the divorce finalizes, when they get right etc).  Except, you squandered all leverage because they get all the relationship perks while you wait only being mildly inconvenienced with a request for an update here and there. 

LetsSeelationship– This a tweener to the previous two; its not a no, its not an eventually its just in flux and you aren’t quite sure how to play it.  This was what one of the readers was describing, while some will still date others want a definitive answer first.  I recommend the former, maybes aren’t yeses.

Chealationship-  Someone living foul.  This is beyond just cheating, its another relationship entirely.  Its a Bepatientship of sorts, although the age old mantra is cheat with; cheat on.  We all can’t be Alicia Keys.

Frielationship- You date, you flirt, you have an intimate connection, on the outside looking in people can easily mistake you for a couple….but you’re “friends” and one of both sides will keep pulling that card out the deck whenever things get too weird.  This was reader 2’s issue.  Who I think was trolling me….things sounded familiar…..

Situationship- Like the last one, all the appearances of a couple….BUT its unofficial so no responsibility over here.    Perhaps one of the most frustrating ones, especially when every problem must we qualified with “i know we’re not together but…” This is perhaps the most common one, the epitome of stable relationship at casual prices.

Prelationship-More official, still unofficial if that makes sense.  Not as manipulative as the others, you’ve haven’t had the talk yet but neither one is using that as a copout to still do them. 

Tolerationship- You’ve been together for a bit, the spark is gone, but you’ve put in so much work its hard to take this L.  That unhappy couple who had only been together 4 years because they been together 3.

I think that’s all of them…Fellationship? Conversationship?  Perhaps I’ll leave it here, evacuationship.  Bars. *drops mic*


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Today’s Word is… GEEK

Geek is in! Blerd Lines…I know you want it. Dork is the new black. So they say.  It’s something I never really could bring myself to get behind; because frankly, as a black man, I’m quite used to mainstream culture cherry picking aspects of my culture and then saying THIS is in.  In a way, that’s what I feel about this rise of the geeky culture today.  Geek isn’t necessarily in, girls aren’t checking for Urkel, they are checking for the same types of guys they’ve always been who dress like Andre 3000.  Game of Thrones is a big budget television show, no one cares about the books and who read them (seriously no one cares “But in the books” guy, you are the worst type of person, I don’t want to hear your spoilers, or your scoffs at every deviation, go away).  Comic book movies are blockbuster films, enjoying them doesn’t make you more a comic fan than Terminator 2 made you into robotics.  While I would consider myself a geek moreorless, I never really cared to wear it as a badge of honor, I have plenty of interests some are just more common than others.  When people cry and plain over not being accepted because they were just too nerdy, I can’t help but roll my eyes.  I’m not saying everyone’s life is the same, what I can say is that I didn’t attend high school in a John Hughes movie; I wasn’t popular but I wasn’t detested either. I went to school, got good grades, hung around other equally smart and unpopular kids.  Life really wasn’t as hard as 2009 Childish Gambino would lead you to believe.

I Guess.

What perhaps annoys me more than grown men still crying about how they weren’t cool enough in high school, is this idea of sapiosexuality. (sees red line, sighs and add this dumb ass term to dictionary).  Plenty of women find intelligence attractive, but never not once have I got play because my vast knowledge on the Reconstruction Era or the rise and fall of the Shi’ar Empire (before you google that’s not a thing, it’s a storyline from X-Men).  My vocabulary has been acknowledged, but I’m also an attractive man.  (Ain’t no diffidence biiiiiiih) (I need to stop doing that) (Probably won’t tho) Women calling themselves sapiosexuals has become relatively popular in online dating, as it’s become a thinly veiled way to say “oh I like men who have shit to talk about that isn’t my breasts”.  Purport yourself as a sapiosexual if you wish, but in reality all that solicits is pretentious bore who uses unnecessarily large words, cites dissertations in casual conversation, and only speaks on sex as it refers to a disquisition of the female anatomy. That’s hot, or something.  I’m highly erudite, but even I wouldn’t ever consider myself a sapiosexual. I do prefer a woman who matches my intellect (not being chauvinistic, but I have yet to date a woman who was smarter than me…actually it’d be a refreshing change of pace…maybe I need to post up by the Petroski section of Barnes & Noble), however intellect itself is relative, we pick and choose what makes you smart for knowing.  We laud those who might know a bunch on literature but don’t give that same respect to a mechanic.  So when people think of themselves of sapiosexuals, they are typically thinking of certain intellectual types when really there’s a guy who can break down Spider-Man or baseball with that same level of knowledge and passion but to bring this all full circle; women don’t like geeks, they like characteristics of them.

World of Warcraft guy still isn’t popular, what is popular is playing an MMORPG on your phone trying to rebuild Springfield or create a farm or whatever new concept for the same damn game is out these days (if you can’t tell I abhor those games).  Comic-Con isn’t what it is because of your cosplay, people are there for the trailers and news.  Would you really want to talk to Mark Zuckerburg not about how to get rich or networking, just like, a tv show?  Doubt it.    I say this as someone one may call a geek, no one cares, B.  If sapiosexuals were real, I could make a profile full of quotes, and interests no picture and fluorish (maybe I’ll try that… I wont I dont care enough).  I work in accounting with math majors, sure they know how certain applications work but I know the application and we do the same job.  Thems the breaks. No one cares if you liked a character before they got a movie, no one cares if the book was better.  Liking some previously geeky shit that’s cool now doesn’t make you a geek, doing the cool shit when it was still geeky doesn’t make you special. Now shut up and watch a billionaire vigilante fight a flying alien.


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Today’s Word is… REKINDLING

Hey stranger season is upon us.  Weather gets colder, college homecomings, it’s a time when one typical goes back and kicks the wheels on some old flames and see if there’s any chance of rekindling.  Not much unlike addressing needs in free agency before the draft. (Further proving my theory that dating is this nations 6th major sport…football,basketball,baseball,hockey and cooking competitions round out the top 5).  I found myself suckered into one of a conversation with someone I used to really smitten for.  Not much unlike most of our conversations it started from a discussion on male egos, took about 17 detours before falling on us and what probably should’ve been.  It’d been about 2 years since we surface cracks revealed themselves, ultimately resulting in the aperture that was my heart (and killing my streak as the dump God).  We both thought on the past two years that’s followed since that deviation, she had her share of heartbreaks (karma) and I…..well, it’s been an interesting two years. And here we are again, a little older, a little wiser, single as fuck…why not take it for another spin?  She’s clearly contrite, as am I (I aint eem do nothing in the first place, okay no more strikethroughs, I am really over it.) but you see that’s that trap itself in these closure like situations.  It’s easy in hindsight to say oh I should’ve done XYZ and we’d probably made a big headed baby by now, but if it was that simple it would’ve went that way in the first place.  It’s easy to look back and say if Kyrie Irving never got hurt the Cleveland Cavaliers would be World Champions, if Vince Vaughn was never cast the second season of True Detective wouldn’t have been trash, if I had stayed an engineering major how different my life might be…but things happen for a reason.  Studies show (that at least 60% of people (don’t quote me on that; I’m a blogger) would consider reconnecting with an ex.  Not surprising considering what most people wish for is to have their current mindset back when it can be best applied.

Now personally, I have a strict no returns policy on exes.  I’m reluctant to enter relationships, doubly so to end them and so if and when one ends,it’s ultimately for the better.  As I’ve quoted before, “You only get one shot” – Marshall Mathers. I don’t like to do the on and off again thing, I’m spiteful, I’m petty, and even if I forgive you you’ve lost considerable points with me and you’ll never get back to where you was.  That’s just me tho…for others maybe there’s a chance that being reunited feels so good.  Breakups are humbling, breakups are failure, and no one likes to feel either, and so we try to fix and contrary to my personal feelings I don’t think it’s impossible to do. Provided that its for the right reasons.  Which is my major contention to rekindling outside of my own pettiness. It often isn’t.

Don’t hey stranger me because you see me with someone else, don’t hey stranger me because you hate dating, don’t hey stranger me cuz you lonely, don’t hey stranger if you’re still oblivious as to why we split in the first place. Exes are convenient but seldom what’s best. Why go through the motions of dating, courting, and adjusting to someone else when there’s someone who already knows you (and down for the Netflix & Chill).  Often rekindlings aren’t restarts they’re continues, you may be ready to start over but she’s coming in with a bunch of course credits wondering so where this REALLY going, ain’t no restarts biiiih (something I may or may not learned the hard way this summer…I need to meet new people.)

Perchance I’m wrong on this one (I’m not), and maybe rekindling old flames is the way to go.  We all make mistakes, we all are striving to improve maybe things are different the second time around.  Personally, I think if I were to get that old thing back it would be with someone I was involved with much younger (because I can say I was kind of an asshole then and a decent dude now) than someone when we was already full adults with expectations and knowbetter.  I’m essentially the same guy it didn’t work with the last time (now comes with a beard), and she’s essentially the same woman it didnt work with last time just maybe with a little more regret and the knowledge that dating really really sucks.  Ultimately, however, what we both want and deserve are clean slates, and we can’t give each other that even we really want to feign ignorance and try. And so the search rages on….at least til i’m 30 or lose my hairline then I might just circle back


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Today’s Word is… NEVER

“I’ll never do that again” – Someone who probably will.

So I was on the date recently, nice girl, we had went to a little Mexican place I liked, nice ambiance, they typically play 90s R&B and what the menu itself lacks it’s made up for with it’s margaritas.  Margaritas, I didn’t feel like enjoying; she didn’t drink. Anymore. We met a bar a few weeks prior. I literally introduced myself by first inquiring about her drink.  Is this the same woman I met?  Who the hell was I texting all this time?  It was her.  I think.  No, really it was her.  However, the woman I met that Friday, went out with friends, got drunk things got real, she or someone got hit with a bottle, she’s not drinking for a while, also she’s no longer associated with those friends.  At least that’s what I had gathered, she yada yada yada’d most the details, this was a first date after all, can’t be showing ALL the crazy on date, gotta bring the representative ,she’on know me like that.   Eventually she did order glasses of wine, and I couldn’t help but make the observation that her vow of sobriety lasted all of a few weeks.  She took in stride and all in all it was a good night.  So that night had me thinking about things that I have sworn off but will probably do again.  Some thing I can’t actually see myself doing because I’m like 1000 days from 30 and others things, I just really hope to avoid.  I remember one time I got food poisoning from a Chinese spot and didn’t eat Chinese food for years, then on the other end there’s me paying off my credit cards and vowing to never let the pretty girl with the free T shirt get me again (I was literally like the last person who was allowed to get a credit card at 18 with no damn sense where was someone to guide me away, why couldn’t I be grandfathered out, Thanks Obama).  But unlike, my lovely companion that evening, I’m a man of my word; if I say I’m done with something, its over, finito.  Especially things like…

Fighting- I can say I’m too damn old to be fighting.  I probably had my last fight junior year of college.  Ironically, it was because two other people was fighting and I was simply telling someone to stop recording the shit.  Part of me wonders if I got into a fight tomorrow would I get my ass beat or is it kinda like riding a bike.  I aint taking the risk, I’m just going to get by on intimidation like Kevin Garnett.

Long Distance Relationships- I’ve been over this ad nauseum.

Empire- I got sucked in last season but over the break I was able to find God and leave this wretched world of hate watching behind.  I rebuke thee Terrance Howard, I rebuke thee Black Twitter.  Maybe I’ll just read when it’s on

Sex on the Beach- Overrated. Very overrated.

See a Concert In General Admission- Being in a mosh pit of people, assorted smells, getting shoved and pushed just so some jackass can record the concert on their phone when they know theyre never going to watch that shitty video. No thanks, I’ll kick it in the balcony.

Thirst- Not to be confused with actual courting, but simp was so strong back in the day and it wasn’t even worth it.  I have no patience for the maybekindasorta girl.

Move- Moving is the worst.  Take my entire house, fit it inside of a truck, drive to another house and empty the truck.  Nope, if I move again I’m hiring someone.  Pay it forward and such

Stick with a show to the end even when it’s clearly bad now- *Side eyes “The Strain”*

Use Twitter on my work PC- I’ll never understand how someone has time to post a bunch of NSFW pics on like a Wednesday morning.  Savages.

Give You Up- Never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.  Yes, you’ve been Rickrolled.

Stay At A Job I Hate- “At least I have a job” is a dangerous way of thinking I’m finding.  I’m definitely content at my current employment but if things were to change I’m out.  Life’s too short.

Soda- My diet is trash, I should work out more than I do, but giving up soda…that one actually managed to stick.

Go weeks without a post- lying…. you don’t know my life.


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