Today’s Word is… SHIPS

Editors Note: A throwback for your Tuesday.Yeah I could wait til Thursday and it’s clearly a repost so it’s not like I can’t just wait to not actually do any work, but I feel like posting today. You will deal, or you won’t I would just hate for something like this to ruin your day. Anyway, enjoy.


So I got a few emails recently, the typical “why is he tripping”, “mixed signals”, “is he creeping” variety.  What was interesting was none of these guys were boyfriends and as someone who’s dabbled in 50 shades of gray area dating, I know that reserving feelings before commitment is easier said than done; feelings gon feel.  However, these complicated “I’m not touching you” like commitments are growing increasingly common because everyone wants the security of a relationship but none of the responsibilities.  Naturally, we’re made to love *John Legend wail* but how do you stay faithful with a phone full of heauxs?  Grow up and understand that infatuations are only cute for so long and understand its incomparable to ones love? Yes.  But that completely derails the concept of this post which is…….the pseudo relationship.  Even right now, you could be in a pseudo relationship and pseudo even know it. *Rimshot*.  As the screaming troubadour Meek Mill says, there’s levels to this sh t.

At the start there’s the….

Imaginationship- A relationship that will never happen. We all have our celebrity crushes who we are dating in our heads. Hi Scarlett. Some people can post a Man Crush Monday or Woman Crush Wednesday and think nothing of it, while others legit come off batsh t crazy.  Hi Elle.  Imaginationships sometimes transcends celebrity and they just go full Morello on you. 

Bepatientship- You’re not crazy; they keep reassuring you that eventually this is going to happen (when the divorce finalizes, when they get right etc).  Except, you squandered all leverage because they get all the relationship perks while you wait only being mildly inconvenienced with a request for an update here and there. 

LetsSeelationship– This a tweener to the previous two; its not a no, its not an eventually its just in flux and you aren’t quite sure how to play it.  This was what one of the readers was describing, while some will still date others want a definitive answer first.  I recommend the former, maybes aren’t yeses.

Chealationship-  Someone living foul.  This is beyond just cheating, its another relationship entirely.  Its a Bepatientship of sorts, although the age old mantra is cheat with; cheat on.  We all can’t be Alicia Keys.

Frielationship- You date, you flirt, you have an intimate connection, on the outside looking in people can easily mistake you for a couple….but you’re “friends” and one of both sides will keep pulling that card out the deck whenever things get too weird.  This was reader 2’s issue.  Who I think was trolling me….things sounded familiar…..

Situationship- Like the last one, all the appearances of a couple….BUT its unofficial so no responsibility over here.    Perhaps one of the most frustrating ones, especially when every problem must we qualified with “i know we’re not together but…” This is perhaps the most common one, the epitome of stable relationship at casual prices.

Prelationship-More official, still unofficial if that makes sense.  Not as manipulative as the others, you’ve haven’t had the talk yet but neither one is using that as a copout to still do them. 

Tolerationship- You’ve been together for a bit, the spark is gone, but you’ve put in so much work its hard to take this L.  That unhappy couple who had only been together 4 years because they been together 3.

I think that’s all of them…Fellationship? Conversationship?  Perhaps I’ll leave it here, evacuationship.  Bars. *drops mic*


1 Comment

Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships

Today’s Word is… GEEK

Geek is in! Blerd Lines…I know you want it. Dork is the new black. So they say.  It’s something I never really could bring myself to get behind; because frankly, as a black man, I’m quite used to mainstream culture cherry picking aspects of my culture and then saying THIS is in.  In a way, that’s what I feel about this rise of the geeky culture today.  Geek isn’t necessarily in, girls aren’t checking for Urkel, they are checking for the same types of guys they’ve always been who dress like Andre 3000.  Game of Thrones is a big budget television show, no one cares about the books and who read them (seriously no one cares “But in the books” guy, you are the worst type of person, I don’t want to hear your spoilers, or your scoffs at every deviation, go away).  Comic book movies are blockbuster films, enjoying them doesn’t make you more a comic fan than Terminator 2 made you into robotics.  While I would consider myself a geek moreorless, I never really cared to wear it as a badge of honor, I have plenty of interests some are just more common than others.  When people cry and plain over not being accepted because they were just too nerdy, I can’t help but roll my eyes.  I’m not saying everyone’s life is the same, what I can say is that I didn’t attend high school in a John Hughes movie; I wasn’t popular but I wasn’t detested either. I went to school, got good grades, hung around other equally smart and unpopular kids.  Life really wasn’t as hard as 2009 Childish Gambino would lead you to believe.

I Guess.

What perhaps annoys me more than grown men still crying about how they weren’t cool enough in high school, is this idea of sapiosexuality. (sees red line, sighs and add this dumb ass term to dictionary).  Plenty of women find intelligence attractive, but never not once have I got play because my vast knowledge on the Reconstruction Era or the rise and fall of the Shi’ar Empire (before you google that’s not a thing, it’s a storyline from X-Men).  My vocabulary has been acknowledged, but I’m also an attractive man.  (Ain’t no diffidence biiiiiiih) (I need to stop doing that) (Probably won’t tho) Women calling themselves sapiosexuals has become relatively popular in online dating, as it’s become a thinly veiled way to say “oh I like men who have shit to talk about that isn’t my breasts”.  Purport yourself as a sapiosexual if you wish, but in reality all that solicits is pretentious bore who uses unnecessarily large words, cites dissertations in casual conversation, and only speaks on sex as it refers to a disquisition of the female anatomy. That’s hot, or something.  I’m highly erudite, but even I wouldn’t ever consider myself a sapiosexual. I do prefer a woman who matches my intellect (not being chauvinistic, but I have yet to date a woman who was smarter than me…actually it’d be a refreshing change of pace…maybe I need to post up by the Petroski section of Barnes & Noble), however intellect itself is relative, we pick and choose what makes you smart for knowing.  We laud those who might know a bunch on literature but don’t give that same respect to a mechanic.  So when people think of themselves of sapiosexuals, they are typically thinking of certain intellectual types when really there’s a guy who can break down Spider-Man or baseball with that same level of knowledge and passion but to bring this all full circle; women don’t like geeks, they like characteristics of them.

World of Warcraft guy still isn’t popular, what is popular is playing an MMORPG on your phone trying to rebuild Springfield or create a farm or whatever new concept for the same damn game is out these days (if you can’t tell I abhor those games).  Comic-Con isn’t what it is because of your cosplay, people are there for the trailers and news.  Would you really want to talk to Mark Zuckerburg not about how to get rich or networking, just like, a tv show?  Doubt it.    I say this as someone one may call a geek, no one cares, B.  If sapiosexuals were real, I could make a profile full of quotes, and interests no picture and fluorish (maybe I’ll try that… I wont I dont care enough).  I work in accounting with math majors, sure they know how certain applications work but I know the application and we do the same job.  Thems the breaks. No one cares if you liked a character before they got a movie, no one cares if the book was better.  Liking some previously geeky shit that’s cool now doesn’t make you a geek, doing the cool shit when it was still geeky doesn’t make you special. Now shut up and watch a billionaire vigilante fight a flying alien.


Leave a comment

Filed under Randomness

Today’s Word is… REKINDLING

Hey stranger season is upon us.  Weather gets colder, college homecomings, it’s a time when one typical goes back and kicks the wheels on some old flames and see if there’s any chance of rekindling.  Not much unlike addressing needs in free agency before the draft. (Further proving my theory that dating is this nations 6th major sport…football,basketball,baseball,hockey and cooking competitions round out the top 5).  I found myself suckered into one of a conversation with someone I used to really smitten for.  Not much unlike most of our conversations it started from a discussion on male egos, took about 17 detours before falling on us and what probably should’ve been.  It’d been about 2 years since we surface cracks revealed themselves, ultimately resulting in the aperture that was my heart (and killing my streak as the dump God).  We both thought on the past two years that’s followed since that deviation, she had her share of heartbreaks (karma) and I…..well, it’s been an interesting two years. And here we are again, a little older, a little wiser, single as fuck…why not take it for another spin?  She’s clearly contrite, as am I (I aint eem do nothing in the first place, okay no more strikethroughs, I am really over it.) but you see that’s that trap itself in these closure like situations.  It’s easy in hindsight to say oh I should’ve done XYZ and we’d probably made a big headed baby by now, but if it was that simple it would’ve went that way in the first place.  It’s easy to look back and say if Kyrie Irving never got hurt the Cleveland Cavaliers would be World Champions, if Vince Vaughn was never cast the second season of True Detective wouldn’t have been trash, if I had stayed an engineering major how different my life might be…but things happen for a reason.  Studies show (that at least 60% of people (don’t quote me on that; I’m a blogger) would consider reconnecting with an ex.  Not surprising considering what most people wish for is to have their current mindset back when it can be best applied.

Now personally, I have a strict no returns policy on exes.  I’m reluctant to enter relationships, doubly so to end them and so if and when one ends,it’s ultimately for the better.  As I’ve quoted before, “You only get one shot” – Marshall Mathers. I don’t like to do the on and off again thing, I’m spiteful, I’m petty, and even if I forgive you you’ve lost considerable points with me and you’ll never get back to where you was.  That’s just me tho…for others maybe there’s a chance that being reunited feels so good.  Breakups are humbling, breakups are failure, and no one likes to feel either, and so we try to fix and contrary to my personal feelings I don’t think it’s impossible to do. Provided that its for the right reasons.  Which is my major contention to rekindling outside of my own pettiness. It often isn’t.

Don’t hey stranger me because you see me with someone else, don’t hey stranger me because you hate dating, don’t hey stranger me cuz you lonely, don’t hey stranger if you’re still oblivious as to why we split in the first place. Exes are convenient but seldom what’s best. Why go through the motions of dating, courting, and adjusting to someone else when there’s someone who already knows you (and down for the Netflix & Chill).  Often rekindlings aren’t restarts they’re continues, you may be ready to start over but she’s coming in with a bunch of course credits wondering so where this REALLY going, ain’t no restarts biiiih (something I may or may not learned the hard way this summer…I need to meet new people.)

Perchance I’m wrong on this one (I’m not), and maybe rekindling old flames is the way to go.  We all make mistakes, we all are striving to improve maybe things are different the second time around.  Personally, I think if I were to get that old thing back it would be with someone I was involved with much younger (because I can say I was kind of an asshole then and a decent dude now) than someone when we was already full adults with expectations and knowbetter.  I’m essentially the same guy it didn’t work with the last time (now comes with a beard), and she’s essentially the same woman it didnt work with last time just maybe with a little more regret and the knowledge that dating really really sucks.  Ultimately, however, what we both want and deserve are clean slates, and we can’t give each other that even we really want to feign ignorance and try. And so the search rages on….at least til i’m 30 or lose my hairline then I might just circle back


Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Love, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… NEVER

“I’ll never do that again” – Someone who probably will.

So I was on the date recently, nice girl, we had went to a little Mexican place I liked, nice ambiance, they typically play 90s R&B and what the menu itself lacks it’s made up for with it’s margaritas.  Margaritas, I didn’t feel like enjoying; she didn’t drink. Anymore. We met a bar a few weeks prior. I literally introduced myself by first inquiring about her drink.  Is this the same woman I met?  Who the hell was I texting all this time?  It was her.  I think.  No, really it was her.  However, the woman I met that Friday, went out with friends, got drunk things got real, she or someone got hit with a bottle, she’s not drinking for a while, also she’s no longer associated with those friends.  At least that’s what I had gathered, she yada yada yada’d most the details, this was a first date after all, can’t be showing ALL the crazy on date, gotta bring the representative ,she’on know me like that.   Eventually she did order glasses of wine, and I couldn’t help but make the observation that her vow of sobriety lasted all of a few weeks.  She took in stride and all in all it was a good night.  So that night had me thinking about things that I have sworn off but will probably do again.  Some thing I can’t actually see myself doing because I’m like 1000 days from 30 and others things, I just really hope to avoid.  I remember one time I got food poisoning from a Chinese spot and didn’t eat Chinese food for years, then on the other end there’s me paying off my credit cards and vowing to never let the pretty girl with the free T shirt get me again (I was literally like the last person who was allowed to get a credit card at 18 with no damn sense where was someone to guide me away, why couldn’t I be grandfathered out, Thanks Obama).  But unlike, my lovely companion that evening, I’m a man of my word; if I say I’m done with something, its over, finito.  Especially things like…

Fighting- I can say I’m too damn old to be fighting.  I probably had my last fight junior year of college.  Ironically, it was because two other people was fighting and I was simply telling someone to stop recording the shit.  Part of me wonders if I got into a fight tomorrow would I get my ass beat or is it kinda like riding a bike.  I aint taking the risk, I’m just going to get by on intimidation like Kevin Garnett.

Long Distance Relationships- I’ve been over this ad nauseum.

Empire- I got sucked in last season but over the break I was able to find God and leave this wretched world of hate watching behind.  I rebuke thee Terrance Howard, I rebuke thee Black Twitter.  Maybe I’ll just read when it’s on

Sex on the Beach- Overrated. Very overrated.

See a Concert In General Admission- Being in a mosh pit of people, assorted smells, getting shoved and pushed just so some jackass can record the concert on their phone when they know theyre never going to watch that shitty video. No thanks, I’ll kick it in the balcony.

Thirst- Not to be confused with actual courting, but simp was so strong back in the day and it wasn’t even worth it.  I have no patience for the maybekindasorta girl.

Move- Moving is the worst.  Take my entire house, fit it inside of a truck, drive to another house and empty the truck.  Nope, if I move again I’m hiring someone.  Pay it forward and such

Stick with a show to the end even when it’s clearly bad now- *Side eyes “The Strain”*

Use Twitter on my work PC- I’ll never understand how someone has time to post a bunch of NSFW pics on like a Wednesday morning.  Savages.

Give You Up- Never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.  Yes, you’ve been Rickrolled.

Stay At A Job I Hate- “At least I have a job” is a dangerous way of thinking I’m finding.  I’m definitely content at my current employment but if things were to change I’m out.  Life’s too short.

Soda- My diet is trash, I should work out more than I do, but giving up soda…that one actually managed to stick.

Go weeks without a post- lying…. you don’t know my life.


Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Today’s Word is… NETFLIX


I found myself tickled by the fact people are writing about “Netflix and chill” as if it’s a new phenomenon.  (let’s just ignore the fact that I’m literally writing about it).   Whether it was the old Love and Basketball VHS, or that pirated Shottas DVD that seemed to just appear in every black undergraduate dorm, there was always the come over and watch a movie non date date that one would pull when they was trying to hook up but wanted to be a little tactful about it.   Seeing as VHS tapes (yes I’m old enough to remember them) and DVDs are all but gone, Netflix has become the norm but the game is all the same.   There’s even songs about it.   Netflix should just have a “Chill” section with all the old school black romance movies,  but they ain’t real.  (If this happens just remember it was my idea and someone owe me a check).  Not that the movie necessarily mattered because if you turn on a movie and go from credits to credits, typically something went horribly wrong.  Or the movie was just too good.  Sorry _______. 


I did however see this broken down from two different perspectives than the tongue in cheek nature of which I did.  The first being,  of course the age old why doesnt this generation date?  I can’t say I agree with it because speaking for myself, the perk of dating is getting out the house.    I also think that chilling is more intimate than dating.  I can go out to eat with someone and get to know them better,  sitting up in my house or me being in theirs?  Idk you like that, beloved. Netflix & chill is cool when we’ve been kicking it a while and we’re just enjoying a show together on a rainy day even though I already watched ahead so I’m sitting here rewatching episodes like they’re new.  Sorry ________.   (Different _______, I’ve run out of nicknames). 

The other perspective was much more deep.  Perhaps this was just privilege and naivete but it was something I never thought about explicitly.  That “Netflix & Chill” was just another addition to a growing and troubling rape culture of assumptions and aversions to consent.  The thought process that goes “She knew she wasn’t coming over to see a movie” is only a few degrees of separation from “what was she wearing” “she provoked him” two issues I’ve been vehemently opposed on this very blog.   I guess I found myself stunned as I try to explain the difference and how much sense I thought I was making yet how wrong I sounded.   My case being that “Netflix & Chill” was more of a euphemism than deception.   If I invite a woman over to watch a movie, it’s because it sounds nicer than “you coming to get this work”.   I don’t think that’s harmful, I feel like there’s a level of nuance that can be applied, instead it’s struck down as mansplaining.  What’s good Miley?  Cuz me no know. 

What I do know that changing culture comes with changing minds,  so maybe I’m just wrong on this one.   I don’t believe so but it’s not a sword I’m prepared to fall on.   As I said before,  I’m not with just any ol girl in my home so maybe it’s something that doesn’t apply to me anyway.   If we’re at “Netflix & Chill” level, we should both understand what we’re both about at that moment as well as be comfortable if maybe the mood changes midway and you end up just watching a movie and dozing off for a few.  Sorry ________.


Leave a comment

Filed under Oh, Internet, Relationships, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… TRUST

[Editors Note: Happy Stanniversary yall,  crazy this is start of the 4th year,  probably the last one,  you know how shows go on for far too long and ruins everything (looks at HIMYM, Prison Break, Dexter, Family Guy…) I don’t want to get to that point (I don’t think I’m there yet,  maybe I am one of my 6 readers let me know it’s time to hang it up) anyway I’m going to be a little more frequent,  a little lighter and finish strong,  anyway here’s a post that has nothing to do with any of this,  Enjoy]


Trust is a funny thing.  It’s in our nature to trust, we want to trust but it’s far easier said than done.  More than we want to trust, we want to be trusted; as much as one can understand, there’s always a level of offense taken if you were to tell them that you don’t trust them.  Nothing sets the mood quite like “so when’s the last time you got tested?”, nothing says I’m secure like checking their social media.  The misconception with trust is that one must have a reason NOT to trust not the other way around.  There’s been times women told me they don’t necessarily trust me and my first reaction is not “I understand” but rather “why the fuh not?”.  More often than not her reasons are typically about what some ex did, and I will respond as either a) I’m not them b) how you gonna let that affect your present?  Ego supercedes logic in those cases.  It’s somewhat hypocritical; as that could never work on me because, well, I just don’t trust that easily.  I’m not jaded, insecure, or paranoid, I don’t think, I think I’m just reluctant to trust.   And that’s okay.  

Trust issues are shown in a negative light most often.   It’s something you must get over, it’s holding you back,  it’s unhealthy…but so is blindly walking into any and every situation.   It’s a frustration I have with this whole dating game; it’s too objective based and less about just getting to know and understand someone else.   It’s why you bring your representative to the first few dates,  play chicken with your emotions and keep every possible option open for as long as you can.   So when I tell someone that I don’t trust them, can I really be blamed?  And it’s not like I expect the opposite,  if someone showed up on a date looking like Saturday morning and went way too deep with the TMI,  I’d probably go to the restroom and never return. (Kidding,  maybe, except that one time….actually I think I said something came up,  paid and dipped.  We arrived separately anyway.)  I guess what I’m saying is, for me to trust someone I need to feel like I have genuine grasp on who they are, what they’re about and if they can meet my expectations for them.  There’s level to this shit (RIP Meek Mill), and levels of trust comes with their own expectations.

I can trust a chain restaurant to make me a well done burger,  but I’m probably not going to try their lobster.   There’s women I can date and share a few funny stories with,  but probably not giving the keys and security codes.  I trusted “She” to be a girlfriend and confidante but as I contemplated getting #thatring,  I realized that maybe I didn’t trust her as much as I thought I did.  Conditional trust sounds kinda bad aloud but it’s something we all do,  it’s just how we’re wired.   All or nothing trust sounds good but most aren’t about that life.  That’s not to say I don’t trust anybody; I just place limits on everybody ergo I can trust everybody.  Does that make sense?  It does,  trust me. 


Leave a comment

Filed under Dating, Randomness, Simply Stan

Today’s Word is… DISTRACTION


Right now I’m writing this, dinner is in the oven, I have a drink that Brady is determined to spill, so I have to keep throwing his ball in the opposite direction, I’m having multiple text conversations, awaiting my turn in Words With Friends and Trivia Crack,  the TV is on ESPN game but muted because I’m listening to The Internet’s “Just Saying/I Tried” on the stereo.  (Somewhere in America, National Grid is still twerking).  I’m able to multitask,  I do so from the time I wake up, I do so at work, and now that I’m home.  This isn’t anything special, we all multitask,  its simply inefficient to focus on one thing and solely that one thing at a time.  Except apparently, when there’s a story about black people being killed or harassed….then you must enter activist mode and remain there indefinitely, stay woke B.  It’s perhaps one of the things that annoys me the most on Facebook outside of my grandparents having conversations under 4 year old pictures and seeing friends from college share memes from whatever Right Wing nonsense page, every day somebody’s cousin makes a meme about a tragedy in black America and something else that we are being distracted by. 

This week, its the tragic MURDER of Sandra Bland and the rap “beef” between Meek Mill and Drake.  Now, on Twitter I gave my thoughts on both matters.  My heart broke watching that dashcam video, I’ve spoken before about a time I got sassy with an officer, and I think about times even my sisters had.  We’re human we have emotions, we react, and it’s terrifying to think one of us could lose our lives if we dare show them.  I also believe Bland was murdered; there’s no way a woman over 6 ft tall could physically hang herself with a trash can liner on a wall that’s shorter than her.  Even if you believe that fallacy to be true, you can watch that video and see she had no business being in jail with a $500 bond in the first damn place.   I also opined on the Meek Mill/Drake beef, Meek looks foolish and I think like authors, artists reach a level of prestige and then start to outsource their work.   Speaking on something as ridiculous as that doesn’t take away from my desire for justice for Bland’s family.  I can live tweet an episode of Power it doesn’t make me less aware of Kindra Chapman, an 18 year old girl who also “committed suicide” after spending a night in a holding cell for taking a cell phone.  I’m painfully aware of a lot of things going on and at times it’s just….exhausting, being angry and hurt and afraid every day.  Sometimes I rather just watch Ballers and escape for a few.  And I shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it.  So one of yall go get your cousin with the distraction memes.

What is a distraction is people going off online about how everyone else is turning a blind eye on something they themselves just learned about minutes ago.  Time spent attacking others is a distraction.  It’s like black people aren’t even allowed to compartmentalize, you got to #staywoke incessantly and damn if you want to just make fun of rappers, listen to ratchet music or debate sports.  There’s this expectation to just be “on” all the time and it’s tiring.  Perchance some people are able to shoulder that burden 24/7, I am not.   I’m able to suffer in silence for a little bit, take my mind off and try and enjoy a distraction.  Lord knows there’s only a limited time until there’s an announcement of no charges being filed or someone else is killed. 


Leave a comment

Filed under In the News..., Oh, Internet, Simply Stan